Take Comfort: A Tribute to Nordraka "Sonji" Williams-Burnett (Let's talk about Grief)

Another blog post was well overdue, but I had to publish it at the perfect time.

For those readers seeking recovery/ healing, welcome. For those readers here for simple understanding, welcome. We are not here to drown in hurt. We are setting a tone of gratefulness for life and celebration of what is to come.
A year ago, I received the horrible phone call while at work. I stared at my phone in confusion, because I thought I wasn’t hearing right. She had been stabbed to death.. Those words pierced straight through my heart. The pain is still inexplicable & it stings even more to know that person who did it, was someone I considered family too.

I would explain that she was a 'family friend' but that description  would not suffice. Her home was my home, and my home, hers. I have awesome childhood memories in her home. Eating chicken and rice and peas she made for me because my parents were still at work. Having her comb my hair for school. Straightening my hair for the first time. Applying my make up for my sweet sixteen. She was simply an older sister.

Anyone who knew her would say that she was extraordinary. For many, she was an Attorney, baker, fashion designer, event planner, instructor amongst other things I most likely forgot to mention. You could give her something mediocre and she would recreate it and have you in awe. To us, her family, she was just Sonji. We were so used to her awesomeness that we didn’t realize the overwhelming impact that she had made on other people's lives. And yes, she was our wonder woman, but what else could we have done to be a shoulder for her in her time of weakness?


In honor of her life, I want to share the wonderful things that she taught me:

1. Discipline 
Sonji was one of the first persons who taught me what it meant to 'be about it and not just talk about it'. I could never bring excuses to her. I had to be on time for dance practices, ready and prepared to go all out (because if we half-a** anything, she'd make us start all over lol). She immersed her heart and soul into anything to put her hands to & she set the bar for what it meant to be a dedicated and hardworking woman.

2. Perseverance 
She followed her heart and went back to school to pursue law. While in law school, not only was she pregnant, but she honored her wifely duties all while travelling four hours every weekend to teach dance classes. She was dedicated to ministry, dedicated to her family and dedicated to becoming an attorney.

3. Just BE
Like the true Gemini she was (LOL), she DID NOT care one bit if you did not like her personality. She entered a room and she was herself every single time. Always seen, always heard, theatrical, enthusiastic, energetic. She TOOK UP space. You either loved it, or you hated it. She was fearless and would challenge anyone regardless of their title. This has to be the most resounding lesson I learned from her.

For those reading this who have been affected by this loss, I hope that you take the time to  intentionally heal.  I take comfort that one day, I will see her again.

DEALING WITH GRIEF

No one truly explains to you how complex and hard grief is. In fact, I find that people get extremely uncomfortable talking about it. I’m always open to talk about the process, because you cannot simply “get over it”, nor can you make sense of it all by yourself. Let's get honest and admit that you never truly get over losing a loved one. Sometimes, you have pleasant and comforting memories, while sometimes you experience griefs in spurts. Memories can evoke emotions at any time, so allow yourself to feel and endure it. Do your best not to suppress, repress or avoid negative emotions, because it may have a psychological effect in the long run.

Keep in mind that being strong also means : feeling, grieving, crying and understanding or processing our emotions. One feeling I struggled with during this loss was resentment. However, I took time for myself this year to work through that as much as possible. Never forget that there is no one way of grieving. Your process might look different from someone else’s and we have no room to judge how happy, sad or detached someone appears. Some persons take months to find joy again & some persons take years even come to adapt to the change.

By learning to live a meaningful life, we honor the spirit of those who we have lost Loss alters your being on a soul level. It changes your perspective on the things that are important to you and it makes you more cognizant of how impactful you want your presence to be here on earth. Every loss has something to teach us: whether it is to be more present, compassionate, determined, enthusiastic about life. If we sift through our emotions and take a step back, we will understand what life is trying to teach us.

How will you honor them? Take risks! Take the trip, buy the outfit, shoot your shot. LIVE. Be obsessively grateful for every breath that you breathe. Being able to exist is a blessing in itself. Do not take living for granted. Treat your body well. You have only have one & there  are no do overs. Do not forget that you are loved, so take time to replace negative feelings with positive ones.

What ever your belief is, please hold on to it. Be comforted and remember that everyday will not be sunny, but take your own time to liberate yourself and move forward. Enjoy the simple things of life with full attention. Bask in the goodness of life. Remember that there are many persons who have experienced loss and overcame, so you have the strength to do the same. Make your days count.

Do I have space for this ?

I’m one of those persons who likes to bring as many grocery bags as I can from the car to the apartment. I clearly have an ego situation going for carrying Publix bags because even if my feeble hands are falling off, I’ll still offer to help other people with their bags too. I don’t have the strength for it, don’t have the space, yet I’m willing to strain myself to lift the burden from someone else. 

The same irony holds true to our lives. What are you making space for ? Do you even have space for it? Today, I’m cleaning my closet. I have a bad habit of hoarding, by moving over important things in my closet, to make space for those old clothes that I don’t need. 

Holding on for dear life to clothes and shoes that I have worn in over a year. 

Fortunately, I’ve taken a different approach to my own life. My life is one place I intentionally try to eradicate clutter. Your mind, body and spirit is sacred. Your temple is your responsibility. If you try to hold space for every issue, every worry & every gossip that arises, you will be burdened and have no space to hold important things for yourself. 

This goes hand in hand with self-awareness. If you don’t know who you are and what you truly care about, then you’ll easily be sucked into everyone’s lives. Time to de-clutter. 

Have you ever been that friend that everyone comes to, just to leave their emotional baggage and go ? Do you have space for that ?  

It’s okay have boundaries. It’s okay to not stretch your hands for every cry. It’s okay to value your well-being.  

I had to train my mind not to hold unnecessary space. I easily remove myself from things that could disrupt my spirit. I don’t have the space for unnecessary feelings. I have emotional intelligence, but I can’t attend to everyone’s feelings about me. It sounds harsh but if you don’t take charge of your life and your emotions, then who will ? 

If I feel like someone/something is leeching but not giving anything that’s fruitful, I remove myself because I don’t have the space. 

A temple filled with everyone else’s clutter will definitively show on the outside. It induces stress, anger and bitterness. I know everyone is planning to have a Hot-girl summer (LMAO, y’all stallions crack me up) but don’t forget to de-clutter before you do and make space for things that truly matter.

Unplug 🔌

I am not one to explain myself to others, but hopefully this post will allow someone else to remember that whatever it is that they are experiencing, they are not alone.
For those who are actually interested in my content, I have not abandoned my blog LOL. In fact, i’ve written several topics that i want to highlight. However, I needed time to get my mental state back on track.  No matter how motivated you are, you cannot continue to curate content without acknowledging yourself first. How are you ? you’re fine? no, how are you really ?


I am still taking time for myself and I have learned not to feel guilty about it. Unfortunately, since December, I have been wrestling with grief. Again. But we won’t go into that. The purpose of this post is to remind you to take time for yourself.
How often do you take a step back to breathe ? How often do you unplug from social media? I’ve said it often— if there is a turn up and I do not feel good mentally, I will not be there. I am a priority and will always be.


I found myself scrolling everyday absorbing garbage. & when I say garbage, I mean absorbing people’s lives that had nothing to do with me. I get tired of social media very often, so I unplug as soon as it becomes overwhelming. That Nipsey Hussle wave was the most heavy so far. As an empath, it’s exhausting reading and carrying people’s emotions in a room or even through the screen. So, I will continue to unplug as often as I want.


I deserve it.


The lovely thing about taking a break is that you get to realize a lot more about yourself. You even learn more about others. You realize that social media creates an illusion and that people will not genuinely care for you but be nosey as hell in what you have to share. Of course, like the few nosey ones reading at the moment.


You realize that there is an illusion because comments on social media are not a realistic way of showing people you love, that you actually love them. One of the most important ways that you can show love to someone else, is by giving your TIME. Taking time for yourself can allow you to realize that without social media, more than half the people who tell you that they love you, actually don’t value you enough to communicate with you outside of social media, or give you their time.
While you’re scrolling trying to keep up with everyone else’s life. Don’t forget yours. Don’t forget the one that matters the most. Don’t forget that you have one soul, and one body. There are NO do-overs.


Get sleep.
Read.
Exercise when you need to.
Breathe.
Spend time outside.
Do not spend time chasing things and people.
Find ways to not just exist, but to live.


Unplug as many times as you need to.


 Trust me, you won’t regret it.

Let's be real, How do you define YOU? : INT'L WOMEN'S DAY

I distinctly remember my experience in high school. (ALL girls high school. Ugh lol). Not only were hormones bouncing off the walls, but I was always nervous. Good Lord! Nervous about what I could do, if I could even do it and if others thought I could do it. And when I say "it", I mean anything at all. In high school the main reason I did not reach my maximum potential was because I allowed others to define me, I grasped the labels as teenage girl and carried it on my shoulders.

"Too quiet"
"Too shy"
"Too soft spoken"
"Too reserved"

None of these things were necessarily true, but I held on to them because I believed them to be. Unfortunately, it wasted my time and held me back from being the leader that I was meant to be.

If someone  told me that I would have been this great today, I would have laughed at the thought of it.

Be careful of how you allow others to define you
Now that I know better, I set boundaries don't entertain others who may think that they have the privilege to define my identity and worth. I steer away from friendships where persons feel comfortable enough to tell me what I should do. I don't ask, I just get up and go for it!

Although I shared my experience of the weaknesses that I faced in my younger years, I still find that adults are trapped in this lifestyle of needing others to tell them who they are- Trapped in friendships that do not allow them to take amazing opportunities, try exciting things, explore themselves or their environment. When you allow others to define you, it can affect your thoughts, feelings and actions. If you ever find yourself in relationships that make you feel confused about your identity, leave them immediately.

Be careful of how you define your destiny by what you THINK you are not.

Societal pressure forces us to make definitive statements over their lives--- "Well, I'm not articulate enough for that, I'm not smart enough, not thin enough. Just not enough."

What a negative way to live. Please note that negative thoughts happen to everyone, even the most self-assured. The tricky is thing is that what ever we think, is what we become. Therefore, the reason you may not be excelling at a task, is because you keep manifesting that you are not good at it. Defining yourself as having several limitations, when you are in fact limitless.

The things that  make you feel inadequate can be your teachers. What is this LACK teaching you at the moment? Perhaps, how to make the best out of your current situation before you can be elevated to the next level.

Believe completely in yourself, even when it feels like you don't know what you are doing.
Trust in your capabilities.
Tell yourself that you are smart enough, you may just need to put in the extra work.
You are CEO of your life. You define yourself, so be mindful of who you let speak things over your life, then fire and hire accordingly.

If you're reading this and realize that you have been unknowingly (or knowingly) allowing others to tell you who you should be, then its' time to wake up and live.

HAPPY INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY!

Today I honor all women who have beaten all odds, remained strong and have continued to share their stories of how we can all succeed.
We reflect on the fact despite what we endure, we are AMBITIOUS, COURAGEOUS, RESILIENT, INSPIRING, ENTHUSIASTIC, POSITIVE and RADIANT!
Special love goes to Melodee and Deidre, who have been supportive and amazing women in my life.

Keep being a light!

You are a BADA***- Jen Sincero Taught me

Did anyone dread this past summer? Me too! For the entire summer, I worked long hours just to return home exhausted, binge The Office on Netflix with a glass of wine in hand and go straight to bed. One evening I had an idea to search #summerreads on Instagram and I stumbled upon You are a Badass: How to stop doubting your greatness and start living an awesome life-- by Jen Sincero. I'm not sure if I desperately needed to change my life or I was just curious, but I bought the book the next day. I WAS NOT DISAPPOINTED! Jen Sincero was sent to remind us who the hell we are. It's so easy to forget, to doubt, to compare, to grow weary. Every time I feel an ounce of doubt I grab the book and read again.
My favorite section is Chapter 11: Your Brain is Your B***

Raw right? That's EXACTLY what I needed. No sugar coating.

This chapter reminds us that our minds are the most powerful tools that we possess. It is our very thought that creates our realities- I think, therefore I can. Author, Wallace Wattles states that "To think what you want to think is to think the truth, regardless of our appearances." How reassuring is that?! To realize that it does not matter what rut, what situation we are in at the moment, because how we perceive things or where we desire to be is our ultimate truth.

  Mind is the master power that molds and makes
And man is Mind and evermore he takes
The tool of Thought and, shaping what he wills
Brings forth a thousand joys, a thousand ills
He thinks in secret, and it comes to pas
Environment is but his looking glass.
- James Allen

We all can be given the same tools and resources to do well and yet, some might be lost on how to make it to the finish line, while others eventually get there. Why is that? It's because even if we all have the same desire to succeed and do amazing things, its a proper mindset that gets us to the finish line. Truth be told, I used to be afraid to kicka**, but then I realized that the people who truly believe in themselves, are passionate and have no limitations. They are the ones who make it far. Your thoughts shape your reality. Repeat  this every time you catch yourself slipping in what if's.

To support our reality, we should Act as if. What does that even mean? It does not exactly mean to pretend or to fabricate your life to be something it's not. It simply means that if you want something bad enough, then you'll believe it with all your heart. In this case, it's okay to fake it until you make it. Act as if it's happening right now. If you have a goal to be a doctor, get yourself a coat, a fake stethoscope if you must, and get ready for your dreams. Act as if being a doctor is your  reality at the moment. Your pockets might be saying otherwise and your grades might be screaming, but if you want it badly enough, you have to close out your circumstances and do your best to get to your destination.

SURROUND YOURSELF WITH PEOPLE WHO THINK THE WAY YOU WANT TO THINK

Wheew! I cannot stress this enough! When you hang out with pessimists, whiners and freak-outers, it will be harder for you to stay positive. Personally, I dodge myself from freak-outers, because I hate to panic. You cannot think straight or make rational decisions by freaking out. I like to surround myself with level-headed, grounded persons, who can take a step-back and think clearly through a situation. Stay away from persons who limit themselves and feel comfortable with limiting you. These persons refuse to see their own potential and they will never acknowledge yours. Go out and find persons who make you feel like you can do insurmountable things.
If this post doesn’t make you feel bada*** or like you can conquer the world, I urge you to dive into Sincero’s book. You won’t regret it.


Love & Blessings 💗

L for Lessons.

My favorite character on television is Annalise Keating. She’s a real boss- incredibly brilliant, successful, manipulative, blunt, fierce and raw as ever. In the beginning of the series, she is depicted as the perfect black woman: with the dream career, family and home. It’s not long after that the real life of the perfect Annalise unravels. We learn that this bad ass attorney who seems impeccable, does not have everything figured out. 

At the beginning of my Spring Semester, I had everything mapped out to the “T". I was determined to make the President’s List again. Of course, I was prepared to do this while balancing my organization and squeeze in some time to study, do homework, be social, grind, be a girlfriend, eat, breathe.. very ambitious but it’s not impossible. 

After getting a feel of my classes and professors, it was evident that they were manageable. All except ONE. My Senior Seminar professor was the first to work my nerves on the first day of classes. After hearing all he had to say including that we will never get anywhere in life and that we were a bunch of “duma****” I was ready to pack my things and leave. This was obviously a joke that I had no time for. 

 I tried EVERY avenue to escape that class. Unfortunately, I was stuck. To make matters worse, he graded ridiculously hard and I did not receive the grade I planned for. I was even more upset because I felt like I had no more control over what the result would be. 

"You must let go, release the stress. You were never in control anyway."-Steve Maraboli. 

 If you are like me, you find it hard to “relax, release and flourish”. You get very angered when someone or something ruins what you carefully planned. This goes for every student, entrepreneur, professional and others toiling to put their craft together. Do not be stuck on things that don’t go well. There are some things that will work in your favor and others that you will learn from. Some mishaps serve as detours to something even greater. It’s so easy to forget to relax, especially when we are particular about working assiduously and reaping the best results. 

If for some reason you are faced with something heightening your anger, frustration or you have spent great time worrying about something that didn’t go “right”. This is your reminder that it will be okay. Pick yourself, dust yourself off and keep going. 

Unlearning 🌿

Being away for college has helped me to learn several things about myself. I’ve had the opportunity to become my own person without the influence of family members. Without the thoughts, opinions or suggestions of others hovering over my head. I’ve also had to unlearn several things that I thought were “normal”.
Last weekend I was blessed to spend time in the Bahamas. What a beauty 😍! That island will definitely see me again. I had a realization on December 31st 2017 that I barely take breaks. I have been trained to think that the “Superwoman Syndrome” is normal and I should overwork myself to get results while others “live their best lives” rewarding themselves for doing the bare minimum.
Unlearning Toxic Communication

For years, I never understood healthy communication. In my household, If I did not please a parent, I was given the silent treatment for days. I am admitting that this treatment was very unhealthy for me. Reasons were never given, discussions were never had. Of course, the parent would snap out of it after some days and pretended like nothing happened. Unfortunately, I took that style of communication and inflicted it on others.

I am learning as an adult that there are healthier and more intelligent ways of communicating your feelings. I am also learning to give myself enough time to process my thoughts before I say exactly what is on my mind. The goal for 2018 is to monitor my words and hurt less feelings lol.

Unlearning Being Complacent in Toxic relationships

Think of all the persons in your circle. Think of the relationships that you have with them. Are they healthy? I am a firm believer that as much as we thirst for healthy romantic relationships, we should desire the same for ideal friendships. Friendships are toxic if:

• You always have to wonder what you did wrong & it's always an emotional roller coaster
• You have to apologize all the time
• You walk on egg shells because your friend is overly sensitive
• Your feelings/ opinions are invalid 
• You only gossip with your friend(s) or you feel the need to talk down to others to feed your insecurities
• You feel that you are in competition with your friend 
• You sense that they are covetous
• You feel that you are being controlled 

In no way should I feel 'less than' in any friendship. Messy friendships are also not welcomed :). Inconsistent relationships are a complete waste of energy and time. I am no longer at the age where I am desperate to fit in with people who could care less about my well-being. Therefore, I don't concern myself with those things. More importantly, how do you grow in any relationship if you're stuck in childish ways? 

Healthy friendships boost your confidence and self-esteem. We go above and beyond for quality/ 'name brand' material things. Why then would we not want the best people in our lives?

It's important to introspect and see what needs fixing and what needs riddance. Sometimes it takes years to recognize toxic behavior. It takes courage to not only to see it but walk away from it. It can be especially hard when those behaviors have been engraved in your mind for so long. However, life is not a race & there’s no prize for those who figure things out earlier than others. You will get there.
Persons enter your life to highlight things about yourself that perhaps you have never seen. Take the time to understand & cherish what each good person in your life is there to teach you. Be realistic and don’t expect toxic behaviors to disappear as quickly as you notice them. I shared two things that I am unlearning but for you it might be different. You might be unlearning: wearing your emotions on your sleeve, attachments to certain people or harsh self-criticism. Whatever it is, you are not alone so be kind to yourself. Always, all ways be kind 💖.
Love & Light.

FA(i)LLING FORWARD: A Mindset

2017, as I would always say, was "a WHOLE joke". This gif was me everyday this year. Yes, I'm exaggerating because I had triumphs, but lawwwd some days of this year made no kind of sense. I am so happy that I started this semester with much enthusiasm, because It has given me sufficient encouragement. Yes, I love to motivate my readers, but.. what happens if things don't go exactly as planned? What happens if you try, try, TRY again, but you .. FAIL. Yes, I don't believe in claiming L's, but this blog is about transparency, so take a breath and Relax. You will try, and you might fail, but It is okay.

I listen to the Podcast "Cool Soror" with Rashan Ali. It refreshes every single time! I learned from an interview with Dr.Kimberly Manning that you can have a Fixed Mindset or a Growth Mindset. The Growth Mindset is where even if you fail and things don't go perfectly, you look at everything as an opportunity & it's potential. A Fixed Mindset is that your success becomes defining of who you are & so when you fail, you unravel. I wasn't exactly instilled with a Growth Mindset, because My mother didn't always given room for failure. I had to instill that mindset in myself while in college, reminding myself that if i didn't win, it was okay, because eventually, I would.  I've learned to praise myself for the efforts I've made

1. Put it rest and try another day

Overworking and overthinking does not make it better. If it's not going as planned, it's okay to stop, relax and try again another time. 

2. Don't be afraid to ask for help

If you have a spirit of independence like I do, asking for help will be your last resort. However, sometimes it is better to ask for help from someone with experience, than to be clueless and make the same mistakes more than once.

3. Fear of Failure:

Some of us, truthfully speaking, just cant afford to fail. Literally. If you had all the money in the world, you probably wouldn't make the extra effort that you make now. That should give you enough motivation to go the extra mile and persevere through every obstacle that presents itself. While everyone is up to other things, it is up to you to stay up and burn the midnight oil. How bad do you want it ? 

"The heights of great men reached and kept were not attained by sudden flight, but they while their companion slept, were toiling, working, through the night" 

Furthermore, fear and faith can't remain in the same place. Sometimes it gets the best of us who are hopeful in our plans for the future but it is important that we learn to trust the process. Think of all the times you thought it didn't work out and it did ! Don't let that F word hold you back. 

4. Learn from it

I could write a book about all the lessons of my collegiate years. I didn't have it all together all the time, but I learned from each mistake that helped to build my work ethic. I became more prepared, more mature & I worked harder. There is a lesson in every situation, no matter how minuscule it may appear. "That didn't go as planned.. but what should I do next time ? How can I do it better ?"



5. Don't let failure crush your self-esteem

You are not defeated! Give yourself time to process things but don't be too hard on yourself. Remind yourself that you are capable to do much more than you cqn ever imagine & as Dr. Kimberly Manning said from the podcast, commend yourself for all efforts you've made. There are many who have not had the opportunity to get this far, so be proud of yourself ! 

How to Stay Motivated

The video above is definitely my anthem for the year. I listen to it every morning to get me started off to a productive day & to get me ready for taking W's. (The only L's we take around here are lessons.) If you haven't heard it before, go ahead and enjoy. You're welcome.

I am in my final year of college and Lord knows I don't know where the time went. When I came here as a freshman, the only thing I was worried about was finding my way to Target (LOL), now here I am being an adult, preparing for my whole life after Undergrad. How did I even get here? Four years of being on my own away from my family took more than just "being an adult", it took a lot of motivation. It took countless self-affirmations, because while everyone else could go home to their parents after a bad week, I could not. I had to be pick up myself and push through.

Staying Motivated:

1. Thoughts, become things



To say that I don't get de-motivated sometimes and have my moments, would be unrealistic. I worry like everyone else, I panic and I have my moments where I tell myself that it won't work. I give myself some time to have my moment (in private), but I do not dwell on negative thoughts. I try to master the art of controlling my emotions, even when things do not go my way. Self-affirmation is always, ALWAYS helpful. Remind yourself that you are much more capable than you believe and make it a habit to be your biggest cheerleader. Let your positive thoughts outweigh your negatives, because there is always something promising to look forward to.

2. Be cognizant of your circle



Motivational speaker Jim Rohn says, "You are an average of the five people you spend the most time with". In some cases, this might not be true, because you can come from a place of traditional set backs, but still rise out of it and be successful. However, the kind of persons you spend time with can make an impact on the 'way that you think, your self-esteem and your decisions'. (A. Groth). It's not if your circle is motivating you, it's WHAT your circle is motivating you to do. They can either motivate you to be messy or they can motivate you to stay on top. They can motivate you to hateful and bitter or they can motivate you to clap for others. My personal preference is a circle of women who are not easily intimidated. They know that there is room for every woman to win. I prefer a circle that is about their business or one that is constantly improving. That kind of attitude will motivate me to do the same.

3. Find others who inspire you



Whether it is someone you know personally, or someone you only know through social media, find persons who inspire you in the areas that you're most interested in. For those who have entrepreneurial minds, find boss-like people who you admire and can learn from. These are the people that prove that the things that you aspire to do, can be done.



4. PUT IN THE WORK



Those successful persons who started from the bottom and have gotten to where they are now, are there because they have put in the work. There are a billion and one books of excuses but you cannot afford to get comfortable with being incompetent. Where you are now does not have to be exactly where you want to be, but you must put in the action in order to go forward. We cannot only pray for something and expect God to do the rest. His part of the deal is already done. It's for us to do the work, even when we don't feel like it.



5. Be good to yourself and find time to relax



This one can be hard for persons like me, who are always on the go. (What is life lol). Nevertheless, its important to dedicate some time to unwind. Your body needs time to rest, relax or de-stress, in order for you to give your best physically, spiritually, emotionally and mentally. We know what all work and no play does to Jack.

I hope that you see yourself as a winner everyday. If you don't feel that way at the moment, I hope the small accomplishments that you make remind you that you're a champion. I hope you stay motivated because you taking the time to read my blog is great motivation for me, so Thank you.

Love and light.

Dodging Dreamcrushers 🙅🏽

In the middle of my "me time", my nail tech started up a conversation. He had questions about my year, my major, where I'm from- nothing new, I'm used to it. I went into that building charged and ready for the day, only to receive bad vibes from someone I don't even know. This man asked me my plans only to try & convince me over & over that they would not work. Luckily, I defended myself & many others who have had to face people like that. 

"If you can't beat fear, just do it scared"

Leading up to my senior year, I've had to block myself from "dreamcrushers". Negative comments, pessimistic remarks, & uncertainty are things that are never needed in your ear. Firstly, ensure that you aren't a dream crusher of your own dreams. Putting yourself down will only give permission for others to do the same. Secondly, have a positive and encouraging circle. Keep distance from those try to make you feel unsure of yourself or less than you are. If it doesn't encourage you to do better, then you don't need to absorb it.

Persons will tell you that you cannot do something, simply because they cannot do it themselves. People will plant fear in you in hopes that you don't go after what you want with the diligence that they wish they had. Regardless, be confident in your abilities & let your whatever you're passionate about, drive you to do what others think to be impossible. Let these words penetrate every time you hear something negative. Remain consistent, persistent and remember that hard work & positivity will get you further in life, than "what ifs" ever will. 

🌸

Yes, I'm Intentional 🏆

When Olympic gold medalist, Simone Biles was critiqued by judges for not smiling after being complimented, her answer was, "Smiling doesn't win you gold medals". Who are we to tell a successful Olympian about winning? 💁🏽 Gon' head girl! Of course, twitter had a grand time with their reactions. 

While she was being critiqued on not smiling, she chose not to smile--- intentionally.  She knew exactly what she was doing & why. No one had to tell her to do it another way. 

This Spring semester was perhaps the most difficult. I had to learn that I couldn't "wing it" or reign the queen of procrastination anymore. I had to have a sense of structure & organization. Although I survived at the expense of many things, the fact is: I excelled. 

"We ask ourselves, 'who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be ? - Marianne Williamson.

At the beginning of the semester, I promised to make a vision board. That board was never bought and those pictures were never printed 😩 LOL. However, I kept all those goals in the back of my mind. When I found the pictures, I really had to ask what this introverted person was really doing. Every doubt & and critique about my personality that was ever made resurfaced my mind. But then I remembered that there was potential in me that I have never shown in college and so I blocked my ears, closed my eyes, got my mind in gear and went full speed. I organized almost everyday what I had to do and where I had to go. Many assignments were missed *tears* and some nights I didn't rest my head but I knew I had to make it to the finish line. Busted knees, bruises, parched and all. It was in my intention to give it all I had. 

"Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you"- Marianne Williamson.

This time around was not about me standing in the background as I usually do, to let others bask in the moment. I have my slice of humble pie each day, but I had to learn to not play small in order to let others feel "bigger" or "more comfortable" around me. This meant: no more shrinking. Always learn that not shrinking, is okay. If you lose friends because you stop shrinking, then they were never your friends to begin with. Those who genuinely love you, will always root for you 💕. 

Let no one advise you into thinking that whatever you set your mind to is too big. Be intentional in how you live your life every single day. The days of going with the flow don't serve purpose to people who have business to take care of. Remember that it is okay if others do not understand what you are doing, because it is never for them to understand. This is your personal journey and you need not explain every plan. Most importantly, remember to trust the process even if it's not going as planned, be open to learn from others who have gone before you and realize that you can only be intentional because you serve an Intentional God. 

Go out there and conquer ! 🌸

Secure.

Seeing that absolutely no woman is perfect, it is in our nature to be insecure, competitive, even attention seekers. I've never been a competitive woman, but perhaps if I had that attribute, I would have pushed for goals way more. However, I do think its so very important to stand secure as a female, because when you are secure in yourself, you are not easily led, neither are you easily moved by every negative thing that is said about you. You are not easily distracted.

What I would wish for is that we get rid of the Spirit of Proving. Proving that we good enough, smart enough, capable enough. People have the spirit of proving because they are unsure of themselves and they need validation from others. If you are sure of yourself, then what do you have to prove?

How about we address the attributes of a secure woman?
A secure woman doesn't feel the desire to fit in
She is not afraid of her purpose
She admits her flaws and is always open to working on them
She listens
She does not need an entourage and is empowered by going out on her own
She does not take things personally, because she knows that she cannot control other people's emotions.
A secure woman applauds and uplifts others, because she knows that recognizing someone else's beauty, will not dim her own shine

Every woman is a work in progress. Each day is a new chance to create and sculpt ourselves in what we want it to be. Always strive to let your abilities naturally speak for themselves, without going out of your way to prove yourself to others. The only validation you'll need is your own. Walk in your own truth and live a life the way YOU see it fit.

The new year has started and I've yet to start my vision board. I had many goals to print and paste and I even got my boyfriend to agree that we'd do one together. I haven't even bought the damn board yet lol. Is it that I'm lackadaisical or am I just afraid to put the board together because I'm afraid dream big ? As soon as the new year started, I began to reflect and pick a part all the things I haven't accomplished or mastered yet. It can feel like I'm "not going fast enough" or I'm just taking baby steps. My parents always express how proud they are of me, but what if I feel as though I haven't even done anything yet ? What have I really done that most persons haven't? Of course, I have the "I want more" syndrome--- Not more material things, but more plans ticked off my list. I feel like I have a long way to go and I haven't even started yet. How do you pace yourself in an environment that seems to be going faster than you? What do you lack?

For me, for example, I realize that I lack strong faith and preparation.
However, failure to plan results in a plan to fail. You've come too far to ONLY come this far. Right?

Having to remind yourself to go confidently and boldly towards the direction of your dreams is okay. Drill it as many times as you can. Some of us like myself have amnesia or are stubborn, so we slip up from time to time.

Set serious plans
Make moves everyday that will help move closer towards your plans
Work twice as hard as you play
You are CEO of your life and your outcomes are up to you

So what are you gonna do? Let's start by making that vision board ;) .

Bigger picture 🌸

If you review all posts on the blog, you'll notice that there was a strong pattern of : Finding your purpose, appreciating life, being kind. Never did it come to me that all these things were really what this situation was teaching me. I wish persons would really understand that the culture of being selfish, petty, fussy and materialistic are all things that make absolutely no sense and will never matter. Instead of making the situation get the best of me, I loved life harder. I loved my loved ones harder. I learned to say "thank you" more. I learned say, "good job, I'm so proud of you". I learned to express more about the things that I was thankful for, because those are the things that persons will always remember. For this reason, I will have to leave many persons in 2016, because I will not be tolerant of ungrateful, unappreciative, draining and meaningless friendships. 

The last time I saw my step dad, I was afraid that it would be the last time and so I worked tirelessly to meet his needs. I humbled myself if I had to and I had to be selfless even if it meant that I was being called out of my deep sleep. Even if it meant going on my knees to wash his feet because he wasn't able to. Even if it meant preparing his meals when I didn't feel like. 

We tend to be disrespectful and ungrateful to others because we believe that they will always be there. One way or another, life will humble you. 

Don't make a big deal out of nothing. This life is way too short to worried about what persons say out of their own insecurities. There is always something positive out of every situation and if you step back and be calm, you will see it. I definitely won't be hoarding any grudge and malice in my heart to take to my grave. I love this life and I continue to see the bigger picture and live each day accordingly. I hope you'll do the same. 

Have an amazing 2017 💕 and be blessed ✌🏽️

What's your Brand?

"Let excellence become your brand. When you are excellent, you become unforgettable. Doing the right thing, even when nobody knows you're doing the right thing, will always bring the right thing to you."-Oprah Winfrey.

I have never sat and thought about my brand as a person. I usually just do what I do and let things be. However, whether or not we have ever wondered what our brand is, our lives speak volumes to others and what we do, represents us. When I think of "brand", it somehow reminds me of how much I think that "going above and beyond" is my partners brand. I'm always so fascinated by how much he's able to give a hundred and ten percent to whatever he does, even if it means that he ends up being tired, drained and down-right exhausted. He is self-less and to me, that has always been his brand. I sometimes wish I was as self-less as he was, because he barely ever takes into consideration if the other person will ever be able exchange some act of kindness.

I honestly have no idea what I am known for, and sometimes I question my purpose, but whatever it is, I aspire to fulfill as much as I can and leave nothing unfinished. I never hope to attach negative things to my brand. Therefore, I will not brand myself with being selfish, hateful, idle, disreputable or disrespectful. I will do things from my heart, not expecting anything in return, or expecting to be publicly praised. In a sense, your brand has a lot to do with your talents and gifts that God has implanted in you. This then means that your brand is never about you, but it is about others and what you're able to do for them. Are you a brand all by yourself? Or do others determine your brand? There are so many things to take into consideration, especially as the New Year approaches. If you have never given it much thought, (like I have), it's definitely something to think about.

Take care ⚠️

I'm currently getting a pedicure, so you know what that means .. Time to write a new post lol. This is the perfect time to write. I'm relaxed and getting pampered. Who doesn't love that ?

Strangely, every time I get the time to pamper myself, I feel soo guilty. Maybe I could have used this money for something more important. Or when I'm struggling right before my next pay, I think "Lawd, I knew I shoulda saved that damn money 😩" . But what's so wrong with pampering yourself? Spending a little money once in a while to make yourself feel like royalty? Not a damn thing. 

My mother calls me every single day (I know, not even joking) and she ALWAYS reminds me, "Take care of you ! You are number 1. You must love to look good" . These are her exact words, and I have  subconsciously lived by them for years- making sure that I get my hair done occasionally, that I buy new clothes here and there and always making sure my make up and nails are done. Don't get it wrong now, because I don't live above my means. 

Someone else from the outside looking in might say that it's all "too much", but honestly I have never cared. I work hard in school and if I am at work, I work diligently. Therefore, I will take care of myself just the same. You should be a priority in your life and nothing else should come before that. When you look good, you feel even better. You were never put on earth just to work until you return to dust, or to stress yourself so often without a break. No one else may ever take care of you , more than YOU

So yes, hit the gym 

Pamper yourself every now and again 

Go places you've never been 

Make memories with the ones you love 

Is it still too much ? No ? I thought so too 😊

Honesty "makes it work"

I'm asked all the time how I make it work with my partner. Truth be told, I am no relationship guru. Sometimes I don't know what the hell I'm doing and sometimes I got an attitude problem so I don't want to be bothered. But what I do know is that this is the best relationship I have ever been in and now I know what it means to not just "love" but to be in love. The only way I ever achieved this was by being honest with myself. 

We cannot expect honesty from another, if we are not honest with ourselves. Be real about who you are and what you want from a partner. Most of the times, with men, what you see is what you get. If a man wants a trophy wife, accept it for what it is. Do not go into a relationship thinking that you can change a man's perspective. If a man is not respectful to women in general (eg: he thinks women are "bitches") , most likely, you won't be an exception and he won't respect you either. 

Most importantly, do not expect charctieristics of MEN from boys. There is a clear difference between the two and if you are not honest enough to admit, then you will choose grown boys for the rest of your life. MEN are responsible, respectful, they are leaders, truthful, thoughtful and make time for you the best they can. boys, however, (and the word "boys" is in common letters because this what they are- common) are selfish, disrespectful towards your feelings and time, full of excuses and rarely take anything seriously. If you like to play games as a girl then by all means play with the boys. Maybe it's not your time to become a woman. However, if you say you are a woman, and you desire a gentleman, then you must be careful of how you portray yourself. This generation is so obsessed with being "bad bitches" then get angry when all the "dogs" come running. Present yourself the way you would like to be addressed or approached. You always attract what you reflect. If you don't hold yourself to a standard, then who will ? 🤔

Men know what they want and their actions always show it. Bring your standards to the table and if his doesn't match up, then there is no reason to compromise. If we are truly honest with ourselves, we would save ourselves the heartache. Been there, done that, wore the t-shirt and burned that shxt. 

Be honest with yourself and watch your outcomes change and unfold beautifully. 

Truly make it count

I've learnt, perhaps too late, that while on this earth, your time is extremely important. We all seem like slaves, working tirelessly in order to keep up with Master Time, that we forget the reason for life. 

For the past two and half years, my family and I have been rocking through something that taught me an important lesson: "Although time is the master, it is up to you to appreciate life and everyone who appreciates you". It's easy to forget to be a little kinder, love a little harder and forget what wrong was done. Many find joy in being petty and we tend to use our resources for the wrong things. What a waste ! 

I want to experience things and close my eyes and hope to remember it always. To think to myself , "I have not only existed, but I have lived. I want to feel this part my life forever" . What are you using your time to do ? How do you make others feel in your presence ? Time is the master and the clock is ticking .. It's time to truly do more positive and meaningful things. Let your time on earth be one of admiration and honor. 💛

Do you promise to stay in your lane ?

My parents often ask me about my other friends or acquaintances. They ask how they're doing, what they're doing in school and where they are. Sometimes, I genuinely don't know the answer about my friends' progress and my parents get irritated and ask how can I not know. It is simply because I don't care. I know my lane and I stay in it.

This is not to seem selfish or to seem like I don't care about my friends, because most of them hold a place in my heart and are only a text away, BUT I can't let it be my burden to keep up with what everyone is doing specifically. 

I have made it my duty not to look over my shoulder at what everyone else is doing or trying to achieve, but to focus on my own only. Inspiration and motivation from others is good, but if you constantly try to look left or right in a race, you are doubtful and will not win. 

I promise to focus on what I have to do because saying that "I was waiting to see what everyone else was doing", cannot and will NOT ever be an excuse. I will not do it how my friends did it, but I will do it my way. 

Eyes straight ahead 

Tunnel vision 

Staying in my lane 

What to you do when it doesn't come through ? 🤔

You've worked hard, you've prayed , you've kept positive. What's left to do so that you see the results that you've hoped for ? 

Throughout your wait, -relax, think and recognize how far you've come. Where you are now (whether or not you believe you should be more advanced) is all a part of your destiny. 

Everyone moves at their own pace and you must respect your rthym. Comparison is the theif of joy, and so you must keep focused on your progress, rather than someone else's. You have no idea of what they did and went through to get to where they are. If you are not careful, you may end up being envious of another person, yet you cannot handle the work that they put in to get to their level. 

Keep a pure heart and always be happy for others. Whatever is inside is what shows on the outside and what you portray to the universe is what it sends back to you. 

Be patient, life is never a race. 

Your time will come, love.