You are a BADA***- Jen Sincero Taught me

Did anyone dread this past summer? Me too! For the entire summer, I worked long hours just to return home exhausted, binge The Office on Netflix with a glass of wine in hand and go straight to bed. One evening I had an idea to search #summerreads on Instagram and I stumbled upon You are a Badass: How to stop doubting your greatness and start living an awesome life-- by Jen Sincero. I'm not sure if I desperately needed to change my life or I was just curious, but I bought the book the next day. I WAS NOT DISAPPOINTED! Jen Sincero was sent to remind us who the hell we are. It's so easy to forget, to doubt, to compare, to grow weary. Every time I feel an ounce of doubt I grab the book and read again.
My favorite section is Chapter 11: Your Brain is Your B***

Raw right? That's EXACTLY what I needed. No sugar coating.

This chapter reminds us that our minds are the most powerful tools that we possess. It is our very thought that creates our realities- I think, therefore I can. Author, Wallace Wattles states that "To think what you want to think is to think the truth, regardless of our appearances." How reassuring is that?! To realize that it does not matter what rut, what situation we are in at the moment, because how we perceive things or where we desire to be is our ultimate truth.

  Mind is the master power that molds and makes
And man is Mind and evermore he takes
The tool of Thought and, shaping what he wills
Brings forth a thousand joys, a thousand ills
He thinks in secret, and it comes to pas
Environment is but his looking glass.
- James Allen

We all can be given the same tools and resources to do well and yet, some might be lost on how to make it to the finish line, while others eventually get there. Why is that? It's because even if we all have the same desire to succeed and do amazing things, its a proper mindset that gets us to the finish line. Truth be told, I used to be afraid to kicka**, but then I realized that the people who truly believe in themselves, are passionate and have no limitations. They are the ones who make it far. Your thoughts shape your reality. Repeat  this every time you catch yourself slipping in what if's.

To support our reality, we should Act as if. What does that even mean? It does not exactly mean to pretend or to fabricate your life to be something it's not. It simply means that if you want something bad enough, then you'll believe it with all your heart. In this case, it's okay to fake it until you make it. Act as if it's happening right now. If you have a goal to be a doctor, get yourself a coat, a fake stethoscope if you must, and get ready for your dreams. Act as if being a doctor is your  reality at the moment. Your pockets might be saying otherwise and your grades might be screaming, but if you want it badly enough, you have to close out your circumstances and do your best to get to your destination.

SURROUND YOURSELF WITH PEOPLE WHO THINK THE WAY YOU WANT TO THINK

Wheew! I cannot stress this enough! When you hang out with pessimists, whiners and freak-outers, it will be harder for you to stay positive. Personally, I dodge myself from freak-outers, because I hate to panic. You cannot think straight or make rational decisions by freaking out. I like to surround myself with level-headed, grounded persons, who can take a step-back and think clearly through a situation. Stay away from persons who limit themselves and feel comfortable with limiting you. These persons refuse to see their own potential and they will never acknowledge yours. Go out and find persons who make you feel like you can do insurmountable things.
If this post doesn’t make you feel bada*** or like you can conquer the world, I urge you to dive into Sincero’s book. You won’t regret it.


Love & Blessings 💗

L for Lessons.

My favorite character on television is Annalise Keating. She’s a real boss- incredibly brilliant, successful, manipulative, blunt, fierce and raw as ever. In the beginning of the series, she is depicted as the perfect black woman: with the dream career, family and home. It’s not long after that the real life of the perfect Annalise unravels. We learn that this bad ass attorney who seems impeccable, does not have everything figured out. 

At the beginning of my Spring Semester, I had everything mapped out to the “T". I was determined to make the President’s List again. Of course, I was prepared to do this while balancing my organization and squeeze in some time to study, do homework, be social, grind, be a girlfriend, eat, breathe.. very ambitious but it’s not impossible. 

After getting a feel of my classes and professors, it was evident that they were manageable. All except ONE. My Senior Seminar professor was the first to work my nerves on the first day of classes. After hearing all he had to say including that we will never get anywhere in life and that we were a bunch of “duma****” I was ready to pack my things and leave. This was obviously a joke that I had no time for. 

 I tried EVERY avenue to escape that class. Unfortunately, I was stuck. To make matters worse, he graded ridiculously hard and I did not receive the grade I planned for. I was even more upset because I felt like I had no more control over what the result would be. 

"You must let go, release the stress. You were never in control anyway."-Steve Maraboli. 

 If you are like me, you find it hard to “relax, release and flourish”. You get very angered when someone or something ruins what you carefully planned. This goes for every student, entrepreneur, professional and others toiling to put their craft together. Do not be stuck on things that don’t go well. There are some things that will work in your favor and others that you will learn from. Some mishaps serve as detours to something even greater. It’s so easy to forget to relax, especially when we are particular about working assiduously and reaping the best results. 

If for some reason you are faced with something heightening your anger, frustration or you have spent great time worrying about something that didn’t go “right”. This is your reminder that it will be okay. Pick yourself, dust yourself off and keep going. 

Unlearning 🌿

Being away for college has helped me to learn several things about myself. I’ve had the opportunity to become my own person without the influence of family members. Without the thoughts, opinions or suggestions of others hovering over my head. I’ve also had to unlearn several things that I thought were “normal”.
Last weekend I was blessed to spend time in the Bahamas. What a beauty 😍! That island will definitely see me again. I had a realization on December 31st 2017 that I barely take breaks. I have been trained to think that the “Superwoman Syndrome” is normal and I should overwork myself to get results while others “live their best lives” rewarding themselves for doing the bare minimum.
Unlearning Toxic Communication

For years, I never understood healthy communication. In my household, If I did not please a parent, I was given the silent treatment for days. I am admitting that this treatment was very unhealthy for me. Reasons were never given, discussions were never had. Of course, the parent would snap out of it after some days and pretended like nothing happened. Unfortunately, I took that style of communication and inflicted it on others.

I am learning as an adult that there are healthier and more intelligent ways of communicating your feelings. I am also learning to give myself enough time to process my thoughts before I say exactly what is on my mind. The goal for 2018 is to monitor my words and hurt less feelings lol.

Unlearning Being Complacent in Toxic relationships

Think of all the persons in your circle. Think of the relationships that you have with them. Are they healthy? I am a firm believer that as much as we thirst for healthy romantic relationships, we should desire the same for ideal friendships. Friendships are toxic if:

• You always have to wonder what you did wrong & it's always an emotional roller coaster
• You have to apologize all the time
• You walk on egg shells because your friend is overly sensitive
• Your feelings/ opinions are invalid 
• You only gossip with your friend(s) or you feel the need to talk down to others to feed your insecurities
• You feel that you are in competition with your friend 
• You sense that they are covetous
• You feel that you are being controlled 

In no way should I feel 'less than' in any friendship. Messy friendships are also not welcomed :). Inconsistent relationships are a complete waste of energy and time. I am no longer at the age where I am desperate to fit in with people who could care less about my well-being. Therefore, I don't concern myself with those things. More importantly, how do you grow in any relationship if you're stuck in childish ways? 

Healthy friendships boost your confidence and self-esteem. We go above and beyond for quality/ 'name brand' material things. Why then would we not want the best people in our lives?

It's important to introspect and see what needs fixing and what needs riddance. Sometimes it takes years to recognize toxic behavior. It takes courage to not only to see it but walk away from it. It can be especially hard when those behaviors have been engraved in your mind for so long. However, life is not a race & there’s no prize for those who figure things out earlier than others. You will get there.
Persons enter your life to highlight things about yourself that perhaps you have never seen. Take the time to understand & cherish what each good person in your life is there to teach you. Be realistic and don’t expect toxic behaviors to disappear as quickly as you notice them. I shared two things that I am unlearning but for you it might be different. You might be unlearning: wearing your emotions on your sleeve, attachments to certain people or harsh self-criticism. Whatever it is, you are not alone so be kind to yourself. Always, all ways be kind 💖.
Love & Light.