Being away for college has helped me to learn several things about myself. I’ve had the opportunity to become my own person without the influence of family members. Without the thoughts, opinions or suggestions of others hovering over my head. I’ve also had to unlearn several things that I thought were “normal”.
Last weekend I was blessed to spend time in the Bahamas. What a beauty 😍! That island will definitely see me again. I had a realization on December 31st 2017 that I barely take breaks. I have been trained to think that the “Superwoman Syndrome” is normal and I should overwork myself to get results while others “live their best lives” rewarding themselves for doing the bare minimum.
Unlearning Toxic Communication
For years, I never understood healthy communication. In my household, If I did not please a parent, I was given the silent treatment for days. I am admitting that this treatment was very unhealthy for me. Reasons were never given, discussions were never had. Of course, the parent would snap out of it after some days and pretended like nothing happened. Unfortunately, I took that style of communication and inflicted it on others.
I am learning as an adult that there are healthier and more intelligent ways of communicating your feelings. I am also learning to give myself enough time to process my thoughts before I say exactly what is on my mind. The goal for 2018 is to monitor my words and hurt less feelings lol.
Think of all the persons in your circle. Think of the relationships that you have with them. Are they healthy? I am a firm believer that as much as we thirst for healthy romantic relationships, we should desire the same for ideal friendships. Friendships are toxic if:
- You always have to wonder what you did wrong & it's always an emotional roller coaster
- You have to apologize all the time
- You walk on egg shells because your friend is overly sensitive
- Your feelings/ opinions are invalid
- You only gossip with your friend(s) or you feel the need to talk down to others to feed your insecurities
- You feel that you are in competition with your friend
- You sense that they are covetous
- You feel that you are being controlled
In no way should I feel 'less than' in any friendship. Messy friendships are also not welcomed :). Inconsistent relationships are a complete waste of energy and time. I am no longer at the age where I am desperate to fit in with people who could care less about my well-being. Therefore, I don't concern myself with those things. More importantly, how do you grow in any relationship if you're stuck in childish ways?
Healthy friendships boost your confidence and self-esteem. We go above and beyond for quality/ 'name brand' material things. Why then would we not want the best people in our lives?
It's important to introspect and see what needs fixing and what needs riddance. Sometimes it takes years to recognize toxic behavior. It takes courage to not only to see it but walk away from it. It can be especially hard when those behaviors have been engraved in your mind for so long. However, life is not a race & there’s no prize for those who figure things out earlier than others. You will get there.
Persons enter your life to highlight things about yourself that perhaps you have never seen. Take the time to understand & cherish what each good person in your life is there to teach you. Be realistic and don’t expect toxic behaviors to disappear as quickly as you notice them. I shared two things that I am unlearning but for you it might be different. You might be unlearning: wearing your emotions on your sleeve, attachments to certain people or harsh self-criticism. Whatever it is, you are not alone so be kind to yourself. Always, all ways be kind 💖.
Love & Light.
